Yip. It's that time of year again. Party, presents, people and, in Miss Sucky's view, pain! I love my birthday. And I loathe my birthday. I know what you are thinking; You think that I don't like getting older! Well, it's not that I'm afraid of getting older that makes me loathe my birthday. My birthday is a badge of perseverance. I've made it thus far, through the storm and the dust and the clouds and the rain. I've survived this thing called life for another year, another day.
It's just that Miss Sucky likes to point out what I haven't done or how I haven't "made it"...again. Sometimes she can be bitchy enough to even suggest that there is nothing in my life worth celebrating... especially not turning another year older.
Miss Sucky can really dampen the mood. Like today, she's all sullen and blue moods about turning another year older with some major boxes still left unchecked. She doesn't feel old, she just feels she can't quite justify the celebration of ticking time when there is still so much to be done. So thanks to Miss Sucky, even though I think birthdays are worth the celebration, I'm also a teeny tiny bit afraid of them.
I'm afraid of what I have failed to accomplish and another year just brings all my 'failed to do's' fresh to mind. It's also hard to get to this point in my thirties and know that almost every person you tell your age to, will pass judgment. I don't have a house, a husband, a thriving career as a writer/actor, children to tuck into bed at night, or even a working car at this point! I know all this. Thanks but I really don't need the reminder. It's like when people tell you to "drive safe." Really? Actually, I WAS planning on driving like a maniac but now that you've mentioned it.... state the obvious!
People ask me things like "Don't you want to get married?" "Don't you want to have children?" Yes. And I also want world peace, an unlimited supply of money and a Porsche... that doesn't mean I will ever live to see world peace or rock around in my brand new Boxster outside of my dreams!
I do want to get married. But I also don't want to settle. Settling to me is worse than death, because you have to live with it. I know too many people who settle and suffer for the decisions they make based on fear or pressure or expectation. For some people settling is all they can to do to survive the world, but I am not one of those people. I long for something more and I know that I have what it takes to reach my goals. I can't afford to shackle myself to my insecurities or to settle for a life that does not make me feel complete. Truthfully, none of us can. But we so often do.
So I'm gaining another year. Miss Awesome is excited about that. She gets to continue her journey and who knows what might happen between this year and next. If I could turn back time (a trick I can actually perform once a year thanks to a little thing called daylight savings) I would probably aim for 25. It's the age where no one thinks you are too young to know what you are talking about, but not too old that you should know better. It's an age where it's OK to still be figuring things out. (When did we decide that we had to have things figured out?) Perhaps by my next birthday I can check a few more things off my list. And I'll have probably have added a few more to the list too. All I know is that I'm going to strive to count my blessings and enjoy each day. After all, it's not really the years in your life that matters but the life in your years.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Step Out
Have you ever watched a butterfly hatch out of its chrysalis? There is a struggle in this rebirth, one that the butterfly must go through alone in order to be strong enough to fly. As a child, I wanted to help the butterfly out of its cocoon, but my help would have led to its certain death. It needed to find its own way out if it wanted to survive. Life can be a bit like that for all of us. Sometimes we have to let other people fight their own battles and find their own truth. That's not to say that we can't offer our support, our love, even our knowledge and personal experience. But we can't walk the road for them. Each of us has to do that part alone.
Life can be an arduous journey and a difficult road. It’s filled with pot holes, hill slides, debris, raging rivers and gentle meandering pathways. And while we can walk the roads together, ultimately, we are alone. So why do we invest so much time and energy in worrying about what others think about us?
I would hate to calculate the lost years I have spent in anxiety over what other people think of me. Truthfully, it shouldn’t really matter. But it does, doesn’t it! Because deep down, within all of us, there is that small child wanting approval, striving for recognition and craving love. This year, in my year of embracing my awesomeness, I am also hoping to shake off the things which have kept me bound to a lesser life. Most of the time, these shackles are self-imposed. I probably imagine other people’s expectations are greater than they really are. I probably think that I factor in peoples minds more than I really do; which is kind of a self-centred way of looking at people if you think about it. I’ve been so caught up wondering what other people think of me when in truth they are probably doing the exact same thing.
It’s time to break out of own our bindings and live the life we were destined for. I’ll use my kindred spirit as an example. He is my best friend, and probably one of the few people who know me almost as well as I know myself. He is one of the most honest people I know, but for years he had denied a part of himself, who he was and is, all the while living in the shadows of all he should be. My kindred spirit recently shared some news with me. I was the first person he shared this news with and it was an honour for me to be there as he took that first step on his road to embracing himself as a whole person. Call it 'coming out' or 'stepping out,' what my friend did was acknowledge that he was living a life that was tainted by half truths and hidden deceit. As he has acknowledged who he is, I have witnessed a metamorphosis of a man who was enslaved by expectations and fear to one who is free. It's been a beautiful thing to watch. Life is a journey to self-discovery. And not just in the discovery of who we are, but how we can be the best of ourselves. But we can’t be the best of ourselves without stepping out into who we are.
I have been smart enough (alright, more likely just lucky enough) to surround myself with people who inspire me in some way every day. My closest allies are those whom I know encourage me to walk my own path and they give me the courage to step out and let the real me shine through. I only hope that I do the same for others. My kindred spirit has been an instigator in setting me free. His love and total acceptance of who I am, regardless of whether I am channelling Miss Awesome or subjecting the world to Miss Sucky, has meant that I am much more settled and much more confident in showing the world who I am. It’s given me the security to step into who I should be. He encourages me, but ultimately, it’s up to me to travel the road. Just like the butterfly, who must use its wings to find the strength to fly, I must use my inner tenacity to achieve my dreams and live my life being true and awesome and whole.
Life can be an arduous journey and a difficult road. It’s filled with pot holes, hill slides, debris, raging rivers and gentle meandering pathways. And while we can walk the roads together, ultimately, we are alone. So why do we invest so much time and energy in worrying about what others think about us?
I would hate to calculate the lost years I have spent in anxiety over what other people think of me. Truthfully, it shouldn’t really matter. But it does, doesn’t it! Because deep down, within all of us, there is that small child wanting approval, striving for recognition and craving love. This year, in my year of embracing my awesomeness, I am also hoping to shake off the things which have kept me bound to a lesser life. Most of the time, these shackles are self-imposed. I probably imagine other people’s expectations are greater than they really are. I probably think that I factor in peoples minds more than I really do; which is kind of a self-centred way of looking at people if you think about it. I’ve been so caught up wondering what other people think of me when in truth they are probably doing the exact same thing.
It’s time to break out of own our bindings and live the life we were destined for. I’ll use my kindred spirit as an example. He is my best friend, and probably one of the few people who know me almost as well as I know myself. He is one of the most honest people I know, but for years he had denied a part of himself, who he was and is, all the while living in the shadows of all he should be. My kindred spirit recently shared some news with me. I was the first person he shared this news with and it was an honour for me to be there as he took that first step on his road to embracing himself as a whole person. Call it 'coming out' or 'stepping out,' what my friend did was acknowledge that he was living a life that was tainted by half truths and hidden deceit. As he has acknowledged who he is, I have witnessed a metamorphosis of a man who was enslaved by expectations and fear to one who is free. It's been a beautiful thing to watch. Life is a journey to self-discovery. And not just in the discovery of who we are, but how we can be the best of ourselves. But we can’t be the best of ourselves without stepping out into who we are.
I have been smart enough (alright, more likely just lucky enough) to surround myself with people who inspire me in some way every day. My closest allies are those whom I know encourage me to walk my own path and they give me the courage to step out and let the real me shine through. I only hope that I do the same for others. My kindred spirit has been an instigator in setting me free. His love and total acceptance of who I am, regardless of whether I am channelling Miss Awesome or subjecting the world to Miss Sucky, has meant that I am much more settled and much more confident in showing the world who I am. It’s given me the security to step into who I should be. He encourages me, but ultimately, it’s up to me to travel the road. Just like the butterfly, who must use its wings to find the strength to fly, I must use my inner tenacity to achieve my dreams and live my life being true and awesome and whole.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
In Sickness and In Health...In Sickness
This week my body has compelled me to long periods of time with it. Alone. Now, this is not to say that I don't already spend a lot of time with my body. It's not like it vacations in St. Barts while I check out the sights of San Diego! Me and my body are inseparable, just like everyone else. But you get used to running around doing your thing, you know, a little thing we like to call life when WHAM! your body nails you. That's been my week.
On Monday, I was feeling fantastic! I was perky, I was playful, I was dancing in strawberry fields...you get the idea. I was gooooood! Then, at about 3.45pm (give or take- I didn't document the exact moment it occurred) a small herd of elephants decided to leave the Serengeti and instead set up residence on my chest. By the time my shift finished a few hrs later my voice had gone AWOL and breathing had become an art form.
The Doctors visit the next day confirmed the obvious. Yes, I was sick. A chest infection had formed an alliance against me and now it was up to my body and the many drugs the doctor had given me to head off the attack.
It's now Saturday and I'm over the self-imposed solitude. And for the first time in days, the pangs of hunger indicated that perhaps it was time to eat. I had tried foraging a few times with limited results. Now as I ransacked the kitchen once more I realized that it was the mall or the remnants of the peanut butter jar. I found some cheese in the fridge which gave me false hope at first. Till I looked at it. Covered in mold (and not the good kind) and the expiry date (let's not go there) suggested this cheese would not be eaten by me or anyone else. (Note to self: At least try to look in the fridge once in a while!) So with moldy cheese and peanut butter as the deciding factor there was no choice but to get out of the house.
I had avoided the mall for the following reasons. Firstly, I hate the mall, especially on the weekends. It's loud and crowded and I detest those little shops that aren't really shops, you know the ones where you avoid making eye contact and pretend to be deaf (or on the phone) in the vain hope they won't accost you trying to sell hand cream or hair curlers or other nonsense as you try to make your way past them. The mall would be full of boys with Beiber haircuts, giggling pre-teen girls and babies who cried altogether too much for my liking. The second reason was because I really don't like the selection of food at the food court. I'm trying to eat healthier so McDonald's and KFC were out. That left Sushi and fish and chips (allergic), roast meals (I make better ones myself for less cost) Indian, Kebabs or Chinese. I almost always choose Indian because its my favorite food in the entire world. But I wasn't in the mood for Indian. Problem was, I wasn't in the mood for anything. So, I went, knowing that I should eat, but not really wanting to. Even my stomach grumbling showed signs it was in need of nourishment. But when I got there, nothing looked appetizing. I waited, expecting my tummy to groan approval at something, anything. Nothing excited the palate. Nothing got my mouth watering. Nothing made my stomach roll around in eager anticipation. I was on my own. This wasn't good. Frantic texts to trusted sources. "Pizza" "Turkish" came back the response. My tummy disagreed. Eventually I went with Chinese. Noodles, vegetables and sweet and sour chicken. It was like eating rubber. Probably worse. The vegetables, which had looked lush and inviting on the plate were old and dull in my mouth. The sweet and sour chicken was neither sweet nor sour, simply blah and the noodles should have just been ashamed of themselves.
Which brings me to my point: Did my disappointment stem from the food being generally bad, or did I expect it to be bad and thus create my own outcome? Was the food bad because my taste buds are still on hiatus or is that all one can expect from a food court foray? I gave up after a few mouthfuls. My stomach grumbled. "You choose next time then." I inwardly scolded it.
Guess I'll be eating that peanut butter tonight after all.
On Monday, I was feeling fantastic! I was perky, I was playful, I was dancing in strawberry fields...you get the idea. I was gooooood! Then, at about 3.45pm (give or take- I didn't document the exact moment it occurred) a small herd of elephants decided to leave the Serengeti and instead set up residence on my chest. By the time my shift finished a few hrs later my voice had gone AWOL and breathing had become an art form.
The Doctors visit the next day confirmed the obvious. Yes, I was sick. A chest infection had formed an alliance against me and now it was up to my body and the many drugs the doctor had given me to head off the attack.
It's now Saturday and I'm over the self-imposed solitude. And for the first time in days, the pangs of hunger indicated that perhaps it was time to eat. I had tried foraging a few times with limited results. Now as I ransacked the kitchen once more I realized that it was the mall or the remnants of the peanut butter jar. I found some cheese in the fridge which gave me false hope at first. Till I looked at it. Covered in mold (and not the good kind) and the expiry date (let's not go there) suggested this cheese would not be eaten by me or anyone else. (Note to self: At least try to look in the fridge once in a while!) So with moldy cheese and peanut butter as the deciding factor there was no choice but to get out of the house.
I had avoided the mall for the following reasons. Firstly, I hate the mall, especially on the weekends. It's loud and crowded and I detest those little shops that aren't really shops, you know the ones where you avoid making eye contact and pretend to be deaf (or on the phone) in the vain hope they won't accost you trying to sell hand cream or hair curlers or other nonsense as you try to make your way past them. The mall would be full of boys with Beiber haircuts, giggling pre-teen girls and babies who cried altogether too much for my liking. The second reason was because I really don't like the selection of food at the food court. I'm trying to eat healthier so McDonald's and KFC were out. That left Sushi and fish and chips (allergic), roast meals (I make better ones myself for less cost) Indian, Kebabs or Chinese. I almost always choose Indian because its my favorite food in the entire world. But I wasn't in the mood for Indian. Problem was, I wasn't in the mood for anything. So, I went, knowing that I should eat, but not really wanting to. Even my stomach grumbling showed signs it was in need of nourishment. But when I got there, nothing looked appetizing. I waited, expecting my tummy to groan approval at something, anything. Nothing excited the palate. Nothing got my mouth watering. Nothing made my stomach roll around in eager anticipation. I was on my own. This wasn't good. Frantic texts to trusted sources. "Pizza" "Turkish" came back the response. My tummy disagreed. Eventually I went with Chinese. Noodles, vegetables and sweet and sour chicken. It was like eating rubber. Probably worse. The vegetables, which had looked lush and inviting on the plate were old and dull in my mouth. The sweet and sour chicken was neither sweet nor sour, simply blah and the noodles should have just been ashamed of themselves.
Which brings me to my point: Did my disappointment stem from the food being generally bad, or did I expect it to be bad and thus create my own outcome? Was the food bad because my taste buds are still on hiatus or is that all one can expect from a food court foray? I gave up after a few mouthfuls. My stomach grumbled. "You choose next time then." I inwardly scolded it.
Guess I'll be eating that peanut butter tonight after all.
Friday, June 17, 2011
we don't live by feelings alone
Life is not just about what happens to us. Stuff happens to us all day long. Boring, normal, everyday stuff; life is full of it. But it’s not only what happens to us that shapes our life. It's also in how we handle what happens. When we’re winning it feels like we are unstoppable. Those are the moments where we do our victory dance and shout aloud our brilliance from the rooftop. But then life doesn’t happen just when we’re winning. It happens when we’re losing too. It comes at us hard and fast, un-relentless and moving a mile per millisecond. What defines us is not the situation but our reaction, our action (or inaction) to what we are facing.
Life often feels like one giant character building exercise to me. And it's not always appreciated. Some days, when I’m already down for the count, I wish that there was a magic wand, a fairy godmother or a genie that could make all my problems disappear. It would be amazing if I could rub a lamp and poof…erase my money woes and be able to go back to school. But that is not the world we live in. My world is rough and complicated and stormy waters. I long for smooth sailing and pleasure and ease handed to me on silver platters. I want my life to be easy.
Or at least I think I do.
In theory the idea of having it all seems perfect. In truth, having put your own blood and tears and sweat into something is much more satisfying than having it given to you at no personal cost. The world is full of selfish, self-centered people who have no true meaning of what life is and what it means to appreciate it. Now, I'm not suggesting that if you don't come from hardship, that you can't appreciate your life. But what I am saying is that more often than not, suffering builds character. It creates empathy and it influences our world view. We all suffer, in some way or another. My life has been relatively hardship free...in comparison to most. Yet there are situations that I have had to face which have been defining moments in building my character and molding me into the person I am today.
Miss Sucky wants to curl up under the weight of those moments and give up. Miss Awesome understands that they give her opportunity to learn something new about herself. I have had moments lately where I have truly felt like giving up. Where the world has beaten and bruised me and I have lost heart and hope. Emotions are incredibly powerful, but also potentially dangerous. If I abandoned myself completely to my emotions, I would have killed myself dozens of times before now (well once is all it takes, but you know what I mean.) I can't live by feelings alone, just as it is unhealthy to shut off all feelings altogether. But that’s what we do. We live by how we feel or stuff our feelings down deep inside. Some of us, like me, tend to wear our thoughts and emotions out loud. And some bury their feelings under layers of rock and silt in the belief that they’ll keep themselves safe by denying the existence of what and how they feel. Neither way is right or wrong, but both can be improved upon.
I’m learning to not be a slave to how I feel, or how others make me feel. But I’m also learning that it’s OK to embrace who I am. I am a sensitive girl. I care deeply. And I’m passionate as hell. I don’t want to become complacent or become used to mediocrity. I don’t want to hide who I am from anyone, including myself. Miss Sucky thinks that perhaps I need to dial it down, live in the shadows and ‘fit in.’ But Miss Awesome knows that I was never meant to fit any preconceived notion and that trying to do so is detrimental to my health and well being. And quite frankly, me not being me doesn’t do me or anyone else any favors.
Look at yourself. Really look. Go and stand in front of a mirror if you have to. What do you see? Not just externally, but internally. Do you recognize yourself? Are you living true? Are you being the best person you can be or are you trying to live up to the worlds ideals? I have spent years trying to make myself in another’s image. And by doing so, I have denied the glorious being that I am destined to be. I may not be perfect (by what the world judges’ as perfection.) I may not be a lot of things. But I’m not meant to be a lot of things. I’m just meant to be me. That’s all any of us can be. So maybe, we should stop trying to live our lives according to other people’s expectations and embrace who we are. That’s what I’m attempting to do. It’s going to be a lifelong journey, but reaching the destination as a complete and whole Miss Awesome seems a whole lot more satisfying then reaching it as a shadow of all I might have been.
Feelings are good and important and worth honoring...but we shouldn't be obligated to them or shy away from them...it's about finding somewhere in the middle and living openly to who we are....maybe the mystery of life isn't about what we can discover externally. Maybe it's about what we are willing to discover internally.
Life often feels like one giant character building exercise to me. And it's not always appreciated. Some days, when I’m already down for the count, I wish that there was a magic wand, a fairy godmother or a genie that could make all my problems disappear. It would be amazing if I could rub a lamp and poof…erase my money woes and be able to go back to school. But that is not the world we live in. My world is rough and complicated and stormy waters. I long for smooth sailing and pleasure and ease handed to me on silver platters. I want my life to be easy.
Or at least I think I do.
In theory the idea of having it all seems perfect. In truth, having put your own blood and tears and sweat into something is much more satisfying than having it given to you at no personal cost. The world is full of selfish, self-centered people who have no true meaning of what life is and what it means to appreciate it. Now, I'm not suggesting that if you don't come from hardship, that you can't appreciate your life. But what I am saying is that more often than not, suffering builds character. It creates empathy and it influences our world view. We all suffer, in some way or another. My life has been relatively hardship free...in comparison to most. Yet there are situations that I have had to face which have been defining moments in building my character and molding me into the person I am today.
Miss Sucky wants to curl up under the weight of those moments and give up. Miss Awesome understands that they give her opportunity to learn something new about herself. I have had moments lately where I have truly felt like giving up. Where the world has beaten and bruised me and I have lost heart and hope. Emotions are incredibly powerful, but also potentially dangerous. If I abandoned myself completely to my emotions, I would have killed myself dozens of times before now (well once is all it takes, but you know what I mean.) I can't live by feelings alone, just as it is unhealthy to shut off all feelings altogether. But that’s what we do. We live by how we feel or stuff our feelings down deep inside. Some of us, like me, tend to wear our thoughts and emotions out loud. And some bury their feelings under layers of rock and silt in the belief that they’ll keep themselves safe by denying the existence of what and how they feel. Neither way is right or wrong, but both can be improved upon.
I’m learning to not be a slave to how I feel, or how others make me feel. But I’m also learning that it’s OK to embrace who I am. I am a sensitive girl. I care deeply. And I’m passionate as hell. I don’t want to become complacent or become used to mediocrity. I don’t want to hide who I am from anyone, including myself. Miss Sucky thinks that perhaps I need to dial it down, live in the shadows and ‘fit in.’ But Miss Awesome knows that I was never meant to fit any preconceived notion and that trying to do so is detrimental to my health and well being. And quite frankly, me not being me doesn’t do me or anyone else any favors.
Look at yourself. Really look. Go and stand in front of a mirror if you have to. What do you see? Not just externally, but internally. Do you recognize yourself? Are you living true? Are you being the best person you can be or are you trying to live up to the worlds ideals? I have spent years trying to make myself in another’s image. And by doing so, I have denied the glorious being that I am destined to be. I may not be perfect (by what the world judges’ as perfection.) I may not be a lot of things. But I’m not meant to be a lot of things. I’m just meant to be me. That’s all any of us can be. So maybe, we should stop trying to live our lives according to other people’s expectations and embrace who we are. That’s what I’m attempting to do. It’s going to be a lifelong journey, but reaching the destination as a complete and whole Miss Awesome seems a whole lot more satisfying then reaching it as a shadow of all I might have been.
Feelings are good and important and worth honoring...but we shouldn't be obligated to them or shy away from them...it's about finding somewhere in the middle and living openly to who we are....maybe the mystery of life isn't about what we can discover externally. Maybe it's about what we are willing to discover internally.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Sometimes...
Life doesn't always go according to plan. This is a fact. And it sucks. Sometimes life leaves you wanting and sometimes it leaves you sprawled out on the ground in a big chaotic mess of misery. Sometimes, I really don't like my life. I don't like existing at all. Sometimes I wish I was nothing more than a dream, concocted out of imagination and faded away before any memory could take hold. But I'm here and this is now and really happening. And I should be more grateful about it!
In truth, I am totally grateful for the burden of being. I love so much about my life but those things can often be overshadowed by the all consuming reality of what life throws my way. Sometimes we are so caught up in everything we don’t have that we fail to appreciate all that we do. Miss Sucky is particularly good at focusing her energies on her ‘have not’s.’ And when you do that, when you spend all your time being aware of what you don’t have, you can’t savor what you do.
We need to take the blinders off and recognize that life is beautiful. We know this when things are going our way; it's just a lot more difficult to remember when things are not. We all have our moments when the Miss (or Mr.) Sucky comes out and we only see the decay not the decadence. I have my low moments when I feel completely abandoned, hopeless, helpless, unloved and unlovable. Where nothing I do or think or say seems to work in my favor. That’s Miss Sucky’s mindset and it’s not always easy to avoid, or overcome. But I need to remember that even as Miss Sucky, I have everything going for me. But on those dark and dreary days when it feels like the only thing going for me is a one way ticket to despair, it’s hard to remember that.
My mission lately is to adjust my focus, cultivate an attitude of gratitude and stop being so busy focusing on what I haven't yet achieved and start honoring all that I have thus far accomplished. I have survived heartaches and heartbreak, false friends and dreams that have not quite materialized. And I have been abundantly blessed with a kindred spirit, a family that supports me and living a life that has more opportunity than most people in this world will ever get. Miss Awesome knows how amazing her life is. She just has to get that through Miss Sucky's somewhat thick skull!
So the goal this week, and quite possibly forever, is to rejoice in what I have and what has come my way so far. To appreciate my successes that can’t always be measured. Now this isn’t to say that I’m going to vegetate on my couch and cease all visions of what I want my life to be. No, I will still be a dreamer. I will still hold on to what I think I should be doing with my life and work towards achieving that goal. But I’m gonna cut myself some slack. I’m going to stop letting Miss Sucky dictate to me about all my failings and allow Miss Awesome to congratulate me on my life thus far. I’m a pretty lucky girl.
In truth, I am totally grateful for the burden of being. I love so much about my life but those things can often be overshadowed by the all consuming reality of what life throws my way. Sometimes we are so caught up in everything we don’t have that we fail to appreciate all that we do. Miss Sucky is particularly good at focusing her energies on her ‘have not’s.’ And when you do that, when you spend all your time being aware of what you don’t have, you can’t savor what you do.
We need to take the blinders off and recognize that life is beautiful. We know this when things are going our way; it's just a lot more difficult to remember when things are not. We all have our moments when the Miss (or Mr.) Sucky comes out and we only see the decay not the decadence. I have my low moments when I feel completely abandoned, hopeless, helpless, unloved and unlovable. Where nothing I do or think or say seems to work in my favor. That’s Miss Sucky’s mindset and it’s not always easy to avoid, or overcome. But I need to remember that even as Miss Sucky, I have everything going for me. But on those dark and dreary days when it feels like the only thing going for me is a one way ticket to despair, it’s hard to remember that.
My mission lately is to adjust my focus, cultivate an attitude of gratitude and stop being so busy focusing on what I haven't yet achieved and start honoring all that I have thus far accomplished. I have survived heartaches and heartbreak, false friends and dreams that have not quite materialized. And I have been abundantly blessed with a kindred spirit, a family that supports me and living a life that has more opportunity than most people in this world will ever get. Miss Awesome knows how amazing her life is. She just has to get that through Miss Sucky's somewhat thick skull!
So the goal this week, and quite possibly forever, is to rejoice in what I have and what has come my way so far. To appreciate my successes that can’t always be measured. Now this isn’t to say that I’m going to vegetate on my couch and cease all visions of what I want my life to be. No, I will still be a dreamer. I will still hold on to what I think I should be doing with my life and work towards achieving that goal. But I’m gonna cut myself some slack. I’m going to stop letting Miss Sucky dictate to me about all my failings and allow Miss Awesome to congratulate me on my life thus far. I’m a pretty lucky girl.
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