It’s been an up and down year for me. I made a best friend and lost a best friend. I fell in and out of love. I moved homes, and switched jobs. I have had moments of suffering and experienced a multitude of joys.
I have lived.
In many ways, as I sit here and write this on the last day of my year, I feel like I have taken more steps back then forward. But this is not the truth. Life is a series of falls and rises. Some of them are big and alter our lives in profound ways. Some of them are small and seemingly inconsequential. But all our falls are opportunities to rise, having grown and hopefully bettered ourselves.
I am in the middle of a fall at present. From Miss Sucky’s perspective, my whole world is crumbling around me and melting into an abyss of nothingness. Miss Awesome knows better. What seems like a never ending merry –go-round of pain and agony is in actuality only temporal. This too shall pass. I can and will pick myself up from the ashes and rise again. And instead of fighting it, I have decided to embrace this fall. I know that even in my hurt, my brokenness and my disillusionment, that my life still is something beautiful and worth fighting for.
I’ve had moments recently when Miss Sucky has swept in with her pessimistic attitude and laid out a pretty convincing reason or two to give up. But I am not Miss Sucky. I am Miss Awesome, and even in this pit of despair, that is my truth. So I look back over the year with mixed feelings but no regrets. I am glad that I am so capable of loving. That I am willing to be in touch with my emotions and give them room. So many people allow their past hurts to stay with them. They carry them forward into the next chapters of their lives and allow those hurts to tarnish all that they touch.
It is my mission to not let all my pain color and distort my future. Bad things befall us all. Life is hard. It hurts. Sometimes we take a sucker punch to the jaw. But we must find a way to move beyond the pieces. I refuse to allow my past and current hurts to dictate my coming year. Instead, I look forward to 2012. May it be a year of growth. May I fall and rise again and again. I welcome its breath on my face. I anticipate that, like previous years, 2012 will be one of highs and lows. I have learnt so much this past year. Most of this learning has come from the fires of suffering. But I am a better, stronger and healthier person for those experiences. Miss Sucky may tremble at the thought of another oncoming year, but Miss Awesome raises up her hands and shouts “Here I am!” So thank you 2011, for all that has been. And Welcome 2012…. May this year be as rich and chaotic and challenging and wonderful as those that have come before.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
What a Girl Wants
What do I really want?
It's a question I've been asking myself for a while now. Truthfully, this post is probably a little too personal for comfort. But this blog is about my life and this is the "Year of the Sally," so personal is what I need to be right now. Actually, honest is what I need to be right now.
I've lost my way. Somewhere between the need to be true to myself, I've found that I've been covering up who I am. Why? Mostly because I've let my self doubt invade my mind and step all over my dreams.And it's not just my self doubt, fear and insecurity that's been having a field day inwardly. It's other people. I'm an emotional being. I feel strongly, deeply and openly. This is a great attribute, but sometimes it can lead me down paths that should not be forged or traversed. People will step all over people like me. I'm kind, generous, forgiving, honest, sincere and, as time proves over and over again, easily taken advantage of. So what does someone like me do to maintain those attributes which are so precious and rare without being a stomping ground for broken and burdened people? I haven't quite found the answer to that yet.
Some of my friends suggest I harden up. But I don't think that is necessarily the answer. The world is full of hardened people. It's easier to build gates and walls and block the entrance ways to your heart and head. It's simpler to set yourself in a fortress where no stones or sticks or people can reach you. I don't want to build walls around my life to be easier or simpler just in order to "harden" up. Humanity needs people like me- big old softies with compassion and empathy and a willingness to love freely and without judgment. We are a rare breed and everyday we risk extinction by being willing to put ourselves out there. So I'm fighting for my survival. I'm fighting to stay true to who i am. But, and there is a but, I need to learn how to still be me and not just a doormat.
This is gonna be difficult. Maybe even impossible.
We are broken people. Every single person on this planet has been broken somewhere along the way. Some of these breaks are teeny tiny, invisible to the naked eye. Some breaks are so massive they are like a gaping vortex of destruction- sucking along everyone and everything in its path. It's OK to be broken- it is a part of being human. What's not OK is to use your brokenness as an excuse to hurt and destroy others.
So what do I want? Really, truly want? The answer lies within. It has always been there- etched in my soul. It's time that I fought for it. For myself. It's time I stood up and chased the dream, the desire, the insatiable need to expand my horizons and fulfill my purpose. It's time that this girl stopped focusing on others to the detriment of her own hopes and dreams. I love people. I am excited and passionate about helping others be all they can be. It's about time that I took that same enthusiasm and drive for others and applied it to myself. It's long overdue.
It's a question I've been asking myself for a while now. Truthfully, this post is probably a little too personal for comfort. But this blog is about my life and this is the "Year of the Sally," so personal is what I need to be right now. Actually, honest is what I need to be right now.
I've lost my way. Somewhere between the need to be true to myself, I've found that I've been covering up who I am. Why? Mostly because I've let my self doubt invade my mind and step all over my dreams.And it's not just my self doubt, fear and insecurity that's been having a field day inwardly. It's other people. I'm an emotional being. I feel strongly, deeply and openly. This is a great attribute, but sometimes it can lead me down paths that should not be forged or traversed. People will step all over people like me. I'm kind, generous, forgiving, honest, sincere and, as time proves over and over again, easily taken advantage of. So what does someone like me do to maintain those attributes which are so precious and rare without being a stomping ground for broken and burdened people? I haven't quite found the answer to that yet.
Some of my friends suggest I harden up. But I don't think that is necessarily the answer. The world is full of hardened people. It's easier to build gates and walls and block the entrance ways to your heart and head. It's simpler to set yourself in a fortress where no stones or sticks or people can reach you. I don't want to build walls around my life to be easier or simpler just in order to "harden" up. Humanity needs people like me- big old softies with compassion and empathy and a willingness to love freely and without judgment. We are a rare breed and everyday we risk extinction by being willing to put ourselves out there. So I'm fighting for my survival. I'm fighting to stay true to who i am. But, and there is a but, I need to learn how to still be me and not just a doormat.
This is gonna be difficult. Maybe even impossible.
We are broken people. Every single person on this planet has been broken somewhere along the way. Some of these breaks are teeny tiny, invisible to the naked eye. Some breaks are so massive they are like a gaping vortex of destruction- sucking along everyone and everything in its path. It's OK to be broken- it is a part of being human. What's not OK is to use your brokenness as an excuse to hurt and destroy others.
So what do I want? Really, truly want? The answer lies within. It has always been there- etched in my soul. It's time that I fought for it. For myself. It's time I stood up and chased the dream, the desire, the insatiable need to expand my horizons and fulfill my purpose. It's time that this girl stopped focusing on others to the detriment of her own hopes and dreams. I love people. I am excited and passionate about helping others be all they can be. It's about time that I took that same enthusiasm and drive for others and applied it to myself. It's long overdue.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Dad
Eleven years ago, my life was irrevocably changed. The world and what I knew of it ceased to exist. Time has ticked away, as it has always done, moving moments and years between the day my whole world imploded and now. I am not the girl I was before October 9th 2000. I am more jaded, more honest, more grateful.
Death changes you. It challenges us to take stock of our lives. My Father's passing was the single most traumatic and hideous experience of my life. Worse than anything else that can be imagined is losing someone you love so much. When death touches us, as it inevitably does, it forces us to face our own mortality and that of those we love. In a weird way it is the gift death offers us. As I sit here, thinking about the man I was blessed to call dad I can't help but wonder what might have been had he lived. Where would my life have gone had I had my dad to lean on? Would I have married? Had children? Pushed harder for my career? Would I have the relationship I share now with my mother and siblings?
Losing my father forced me to grow up. It forces me now, to hold dear this precious gift I've been given. Life is short. We should make it count. So today, as I contemplate my fathers life and my loss, I pledge following:
I promise to always remember that life is what you make of it. Hard times will come and go. Pain will wrap itself around me. Despair will roll in like a thunderstorm on a cloudy day. But life is a privilege and joy. And those tough times add depth and beauty to who I am.
I promise to let the people in my life know how much they mean to me. My father never let a day go by without telling and showing me he loved me. I strive to do the same for my friends and family.
I promise that even when I feel down and out...I won't give up or give in. I will hold onto the truth that I am Miss Awesome and life is beautiful.
I promise to take my life and make something of it...in whatever way i can. And be of service and comfort to others.
I was a lucky girl. My father was an amazing man. Here I am eleven years on, and time has only solidified what I remember of my father. He was generous, kind, intelligent and witty. He had an infectious laugh,and such a mischievous sparkle in his blue eyes. He was compassionate and always went above and beyond to help and support others. He was gentle and strong and I never once doubted my fathers love. I only hope that I can be a true reflection of my father and that coupled with my own talents, ideas and personality traits, I can be a woman who makes a difference. And make my father proud.
Love you Daddy
Death changes you. It challenges us to take stock of our lives. My Father's passing was the single most traumatic and hideous experience of my life. Worse than anything else that can be imagined is losing someone you love so much. When death touches us, as it inevitably does, it forces us to face our own mortality and that of those we love. In a weird way it is the gift death offers us. As I sit here, thinking about the man I was blessed to call dad I can't help but wonder what might have been had he lived. Where would my life have gone had I had my dad to lean on? Would I have married? Had children? Pushed harder for my career? Would I have the relationship I share now with my mother and siblings?
Losing my father forced me to grow up. It forces me now, to hold dear this precious gift I've been given. Life is short. We should make it count. So today, as I contemplate my fathers life and my loss, I pledge following:
I promise to always remember that life is what you make of it. Hard times will come and go. Pain will wrap itself around me. Despair will roll in like a thunderstorm on a cloudy day. But life is a privilege and joy. And those tough times add depth and beauty to who I am.
I promise to let the people in my life know how much they mean to me. My father never let a day go by without telling and showing me he loved me. I strive to do the same for my friends and family.
I promise that even when I feel down and out...I won't give up or give in. I will hold onto the truth that I am Miss Awesome and life is beautiful.
I promise to take my life and make something of it...in whatever way i can. And be of service and comfort to others.
I was a lucky girl. My father was an amazing man. Here I am eleven years on, and time has only solidified what I remember of my father. He was generous, kind, intelligent and witty. He had an infectious laugh,and such a mischievous sparkle in his blue eyes. He was compassionate and always went above and beyond to help and support others. He was gentle and strong and I never once doubted my fathers love. I only hope that I can be a true reflection of my father and that coupled with my own talents, ideas and personality traits, I can be a woman who makes a difference. And make my father proud.
Love you Daddy
Monday, August 8, 2011
Think, Feel, Do
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"What we think or what we know or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do."
John Ruskin
I am a big thinker. I think constantly. I over-analyze. I weigh up all the percentages. I contemplate, I fret, I go round and round in circles until I wear myself out with all this thinking. Don't get me wrong- I LOVE to think! I'm glad that underneath this mass of blonde hair lies grey matter that is vibrant and energetic and full of wonderful thoughts. I'm grateful that I have a brain that gets regularly exercised (more than my body to be honest :/ ) and that it is the source of my creativity, my intelligence and my wit. Let's face it folks- this blog would suck bigger than the gravitational pull of a black hole in space if my brain wasn't at least a little bit awesome :)
But as much as thinking can be your friend...it can also be your foe. We've all had those restless nights where the switch in your brain is broken (or in my case, seems to go on rambling holidays to unknown destinations) and nothing seems to be able to stop the flood of thoughts from swirling around like an ill-gotten vortex. You lie there willing yourself to shut down, or at the very least go on 'standby' so that you can slip into the merciful being we know as unconsciousness. And yet, in spite of yourself, in spite of silent pleas and exasperated sighs and the odd flung pillow, you remain caught up in your thoughts. Like a spider web, and you're the fly.
Thinking thoughts are both blight and balm to existence. We can't live without them- but sometimes it sure would be nice to lock them up in a nice little box and toss aside the keys :)
The quote at the top of this blog got me thinking, ironic I know, about what it means to live. Now I am certainly no Philosopher, but I do agree that its not insomuch what we think or even feel that creates our life, it is in what we do.
Life is about motion. It's about living and doing and being. It's not a spectator sport. It's not a test. It's not lived out in pages or screens or day dreams. Life is happening, here, now. A life with no regrets requires action. Like someone? Tell em! Want something? go after it! It really seems ridiculously simple, but at the heart of it all- life is simply a series of actions. And we all make choices based on thoughts and feelings and being... And doing nothing is as much an action as doing something.
So the lesson Miss Awesome is striving for this week, is to LIVE! To not just be content to wallow in thoughts or get caught up in feelings- but to take the thoughts and feelings and apply them into forward motion. Time to step up and out, and take the risk. After all, what's the worst that can happen? I might fail, I might be rejected and maybe even make a few bad judgement calls along the way...but life is worth the risk and it's all about the doing.
"What we think or what we know or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do."
John Ruskin
I am a big thinker. I think constantly. I over-analyze. I weigh up all the percentages. I contemplate, I fret, I go round and round in circles until I wear myself out with all this thinking. Don't get me wrong- I LOVE to think! I'm glad that underneath this mass of blonde hair lies grey matter that is vibrant and energetic and full of wonderful thoughts. I'm grateful that I have a brain that gets regularly exercised (more than my body to be honest :/ ) and that it is the source of my creativity, my intelligence and my wit. Let's face it folks- this blog would suck bigger than the gravitational pull of a black hole in space if my brain wasn't at least a little bit awesome :)
But as much as thinking can be your friend...it can also be your foe. We've all had those restless nights where the switch in your brain is broken (or in my case, seems to go on rambling holidays to unknown destinations) and nothing seems to be able to stop the flood of thoughts from swirling around like an ill-gotten vortex. You lie there willing yourself to shut down, or at the very least go on 'standby' so that you can slip into the merciful being we know as unconsciousness. And yet, in spite of yourself, in spite of silent pleas and exasperated sighs and the odd flung pillow, you remain caught up in your thoughts. Like a spider web, and you're the fly.
Thinking thoughts are both blight and balm to existence. We can't live without them- but sometimes it sure would be nice to lock them up in a nice little box and toss aside the keys :)
The quote at the top of this blog got me thinking, ironic I know, about what it means to live. Now I am certainly no Philosopher, but I do agree that its not insomuch what we think or even feel that creates our life, it is in what we do.
Life is about motion. It's about living and doing and being. It's not a spectator sport. It's not a test. It's not lived out in pages or screens or day dreams. Life is happening, here, now. A life with no regrets requires action. Like someone? Tell em! Want something? go after it! It really seems ridiculously simple, but at the heart of it all- life is simply a series of actions. And we all make choices based on thoughts and feelings and being... And doing nothing is as much an action as doing something.
So the lesson Miss Awesome is striving for this week, is to LIVE! To not just be content to wallow in thoughts or get caught up in feelings- but to take the thoughts and feelings and apply them into forward motion. Time to step up and out, and take the risk. After all, what's the worst that can happen? I might fail, I might be rejected and maybe even make a few bad judgement calls along the way...but life is worth the risk and it's all about the doing.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude
John Lennon was stating the obvious when he said "Life is what happens to us when we are busy making other plans." Life happens whether we are ready or not. And not everything that comes our way is gonna make us happy. Let's face it, sometimes the things that happen to us really suck. But every life experience is an opportunity to learn. Learn about ourselves, about others, about the world and hopefully those lessons, if carefully cultivated, allow us to become the best person we can be.
I believe that every life experience that comes our way, every bump in the road, every blimp on the radar, every hurdle, every rise and every fall or blazed trail, every hit or miss; all of it shapes us. All serves to enrich us. But so often when bad things happen, we are so busy focused on the calamity of the situation that we can't see the good. Bad things happen. Each of us are burdened by sorrows and tragedies. We who live, suffer. We lose loved ones and sometimes even ourselves. Pain etches its name upon our soul. Hearts can be irrevocably broken. Our minds can falter and decay. Anger can stifle the beauty of who we are. And we can let those wounds fester and infect until what once could have been an opportunity for growth and beauty becomes an ugly scar upon our own humanity.
I've been thinking a lot about attitude lately. I don't always have the best attitude. I can be surly and rude. I can be condescending and obnoxious. To put it bluntly; I can be a real bitch. But I take some comfort in knowing that this applies to everyone else in existence too. I'm not alone in my wretchedness!
We can often let our attitude be the focus of our corresponding behavior. I HATE working on beautiful days because it sucks to be stuck in doors. Miss Sucky will bemoan the fact. She resents being tethered to a desk and telephone cord and glued to a computer screen. This can make for a grumpy Sally - and that ain't a good thing for anybody! Miss Awesome, however, appreciates that she at least has a window from which to gaze upon a day full of blue shies and sunshine. She appreciates that she has a job which provides her an income and therefore a home she loves and a lifestyle that she can enjoy. I am blessed.
Sometimes it is hard for us to recognize our blessings. Sometimes, we feel like we have to go searching for them. Yet most of the time they are right there in front of us, if we would but choose to see them. It's time to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. This doesn't mean that i can't have moments where I am Miss Sucky- but it should mean those moments become fewer and shorter! It's time to focus on all that is right and good and wonderful in my life, rather than invest energy in what is not. Life can get in the way of recognizing all our good. We can get in the way of recognizing all our good. So the lesson I am trying to learn and retain is to cultivate an attitude that celebrates my good. To grow an attitude that honors my successes and my struggles. I want to embrace my life - all of it. I want to recognize that even when I feel down and out, even when I feel lost and low, that that is still a chance to rejoice in this amazing gift that I have been given.
I believe that every life experience that comes our way, every bump in the road, every blimp on the radar, every hurdle, every rise and every fall or blazed trail, every hit or miss; all of it shapes us. All serves to enrich us. But so often when bad things happen, we are so busy focused on the calamity of the situation that we can't see the good. Bad things happen. Each of us are burdened by sorrows and tragedies. We who live, suffer. We lose loved ones and sometimes even ourselves. Pain etches its name upon our soul. Hearts can be irrevocably broken. Our minds can falter and decay. Anger can stifle the beauty of who we are. And we can let those wounds fester and infect until what once could have been an opportunity for growth and beauty becomes an ugly scar upon our own humanity.
I've been thinking a lot about attitude lately. I don't always have the best attitude. I can be surly and rude. I can be condescending and obnoxious. To put it bluntly; I can be a real bitch. But I take some comfort in knowing that this applies to everyone else in existence too. I'm not alone in my wretchedness!
We can often let our attitude be the focus of our corresponding behavior. I HATE working on beautiful days because it sucks to be stuck in doors. Miss Sucky will bemoan the fact. She resents being tethered to a desk and telephone cord and glued to a computer screen. This can make for a grumpy Sally - and that ain't a good thing for anybody! Miss Awesome, however, appreciates that she at least has a window from which to gaze upon a day full of blue shies and sunshine. She appreciates that she has a job which provides her an income and therefore a home she loves and a lifestyle that she can enjoy. I am blessed.
Sometimes it is hard for us to recognize our blessings. Sometimes, we feel like we have to go searching for them. Yet most of the time they are right there in front of us, if we would but choose to see them. It's time to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. This doesn't mean that i can't have moments where I am Miss Sucky- but it should mean those moments become fewer and shorter! It's time to focus on all that is right and good and wonderful in my life, rather than invest energy in what is not. Life can get in the way of recognizing all our good. We can get in the way of recognizing all our good. So the lesson I am trying to learn and retain is to cultivate an attitude that celebrates my good. To grow an attitude that honors my successes and my struggles. I want to embrace my life - all of it. I want to recognize that even when I feel down and out, even when I feel lost and low, that that is still a chance to rejoice in this amazing gift that I have been given.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
judgement
I have come to a decision about my life. I'm going to stop letting people walk all over me. I'm going to allow myself to be free and not live under unrealistic obligations. I'm going to listen to what is right for me, and do what is right for me in every situation i face. I'm going to stop feeling pressured by myself and by those around me. I'm going to walk my own path and not get stuck in the ruts of others expectations. I'm going to put ME first, at least once in a while.
I'm not very good to myself. Even though I declare this to be the "year of the Sally," it still has been very much the year of everybody else. My focus has been on how to make those in my life feel happy and safe and free and yet I often have to suppress my true thoughts or feelings. Why do I do this? Why do any of us! three small words come to mind: To avoid conflict.
I don't want people to dislike me, or feel like I am judging them for the choices they make. But judging is also a part of human nature. I avoid it like the plague, but I'm guilty of it just the same. And I have been judging people. Not in what they do or things they say or how they live their lives, but in how I think they judge me. I keep people at bay, passing judgment on how I think they'll perceive me. Which makes me think- when we judge people are we really judging them or does it come back to how we feel about ourselves? Maybe everything we do or think about others is, in actuality, a truer reflection of how we think and feel about who we are.
just something to think about
I'm not very good to myself. Even though I declare this to be the "year of the Sally," it still has been very much the year of everybody else. My focus has been on how to make those in my life feel happy and safe and free and yet I often have to suppress my true thoughts or feelings. Why do I do this? Why do any of us! three small words come to mind: To avoid conflict.
I don't want people to dislike me, or feel like I am judging them for the choices they make. But judging is also a part of human nature. I avoid it like the plague, but I'm guilty of it just the same. And I have been judging people. Not in what they do or things they say or how they live their lives, but in how I think they judge me. I keep people at bay, passing judgment on how I think they'll perceive me. Which makes me think- when we judge people are we really judging them or does it come back to how we feel about ourselves? Maybe everything we do or think about others is, in actuality, a truer reflection of how we think and feel about who we are.
just something to think about
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Choices
I don't generally watch the news. Mostly because I seldom watch TV,and I work until 8pm, but there is also something to be said for the depressing nature of the majority of mainstream news stories. But today I found myself at home, with no internet (it's a new house and we are still waiting...as patiently as one can in this world of me and now!) and a poor selection of channels to surf. So I stumbled across an early news broadcast and thought I might as well see what was happening out there in the world. One short news article later, I was done and thoroughly dejected. The story was about how the body of an elderly woman was discovered in her home. Eight years after she had been deceased. Eight years and no one had missed her.
The thought that someone can live a lifetime, die and not be missed is not just depressing, but truly hideous. Sadly it says a lot about the way she lived her life, and about the way our society takes care of each other. Or to be more blunt- doesn't take care of each other.
How does one live to be almost in their eighties and not have anyone notice their death? It gets me worried. I mean, potentially this could happen to me. It won't obviously, because I am Miss Awesome, but Miss Sucky is freaking out just a smidge! What made this woman get to her 79th year and not have a friend or family member in all the world to check up on her? How could she have spent all those years on this earth and be forgotten?
None of us want to be forgotten. We want to leave an indelible mark on at least one person. Well I know I do! I feel so sad for this poor woman who must have lived as she died...alone. I don't know the circumstances surrounding her death or her life, but can only imagine that it must have been a lonely existence if she lay there on her bedroom floor, decaying for eight years and no one was any the wiser. It is a powerful lesson in how tragic life is when we live only for ourselves.
So my thought for today is this: To live a life that matters. Not just to me but to those around me. Life is not about closing yourself off to the world and shutting people out. I know what it's like to want to walk away from humanity. I have been so deeply wounded at times that I have considered becoming a hermit. I'm totally serious, which for those that know me would think a ridiculous notion and one that I would be incapable of sticking too. It is true that I am a social butterfly and I thrive with human contact but I understand the sometimes insatiable need to run away from all things human because sometimes the world is a dark and scary place. It's a defense mechanism to withdraw from people when we are hurting. Life hurts sometimes. It really does. Life creates pain and chaos and sometimes etches deep wounds into our hearts and minds. But to pull away from people, from all that this world has to offer us because of pain, creates a mentality of victimization and cultivates hearts that were never meant to grow hard. We do ourselves a disservice by sounding a long term retreat.
We know nothing about this woman's life. I don't know why she had no family or friends or even neighbors that noticed she was missing from their lives. What a lonely existence she must have forged for herself. One where she belonged nowhere and to no one. As a single woman it gives me pause to think. But I know that her fate need not be my own, nor be any ones destiny. Life is a series of choices. I choose to live life. I choose to make people an important part of my life. I choose to not be a victim but to take the knocks and curve balls and pain and become a better Miss Awesome. Life is not a game but it does require activate participation. I choose to participate. How about you?
The thought that someone can live a lifetime, die and not be missed is not just depressing, but truly hideous. Sadly it says a lot about the way she lived her life, and about the way our society takes care of each other. Or to be more blunt- doesn't take care of each other.
How does one live to be almost in their eighties and not have anyone notice their death? It gets me worried. I mean, potentially this could happen to me. It won't obviously, because I am Miss Awesome, but Miss Sucky is freaking out just a smidge! What made this woman get to her 79th year and not have a friend or family member in all the world to check up on her? How could she have spent all those years on this earth and be forgotten?
None of us want to be forgotten. We want to leave an indelible mark on at least one person. Well I know I do! I feel so sad for this poor woman who must have lived as she died...alone. I don't know the circumstances surrounding her death or her life, but can only imagine that it must have been a lonely existence if she lay there on her bedroom floor, decaying for eight years and no one was any the wiser. It is a powerful lesson in how tragic life is when we live only for ourselves.
So my thought for today is this: To live a life that matters. Not just to me but to those around me. Life is not about closing yourself off to the world and shutting people out. I know what it's like to want to walk away from humanity. I have been so deeply wounded at times that I have considered becoming a hermit. I'm totally serious, which for those that know me would think a ridiculous notion and one that I would be incapable of sticking too. It is true that I am a social butterfly and I thrive with human contact but I understand the sometimes insatiable need to run away from all things human because sometimes the world is a dark and scary place. It's a defense mechanism to withdraw from people when we are hurting. Life hurts sometimes. It really does. Life creates pain and chaos and sometimes etches deep wounds into our hearts and minds. But to pull away from people, from all that this world has to offer us because of pain, creates a mentality of victimization and cultivates hearts that were never meant to grow hard. We do ourselves a disservice by sounding a long term retreat.
We know nothing about this woman's life. I don't know why she had no family or friends or even neighbors that noticed she was missing from their lives. What a lonely existence she must have forged for herself. One where she belonged nowhere and to no one. As a single woman it gives me pause to think. But I know that her fate need not be my own, nor be any ones destiny. Life is a series of choices. I choose to live life. I choose to make people an important part of my life. I choose to not be a victim but to take the knocks and curve balls and pain and become a better Miss Awesome. Life is not a game but it does require activate participation. I choose to participate. How about you?
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