It's been seriously too long since i last posted in here. This is not because nothing of any interest has been happening in my life, or that my life has suddenly become all encompassing so that I have not made time or effort to post. Life just happens. And you suddenly wake up one day and realize its already mid September and the year is already racing to another close.
The year has been a mixed bag for me. I have loved, lost, and loved again. I've struggled to make sense of my place in the world and determined to press on, ever upward, always forward. I have made friends in unexpected places and lost friendships unexpectedly. I've both loved and hated my job; most of the time simultaneously! My health has taken a few hits and so has my wallet. It's been a year of growth and challenges and change and chances.
I used to think of myself as a perfectionist. I like to be the best I can be, to give my all, to shine. But I've been percolating an idea floating around in my head: That life isn't about perfection. And if you go about trying to achieve only perfection, you can miss a lot. It's all the little imperfections of my year that have added flavor to it. Miss Awesome is recognizing all the opportunities that life has offered up. Sometimes, Miss Sucky hasn't been quick to recognize them as such. She has labeled them maliciously and bemoaned her fate at times. Miss Awesome is looking back in sheer amazement at the many gifts that life has bestowed her. I have been inundated with a bevy of people who love me; truly love me; even my oddball antics, my over the top dramatic flair, my zest for life and my unabashed shame at trying to squeeze the joy out of every drop, every moment. Now, I am not saying that i always succeed. Cause sometimes Miss Sucky walks in and throws a pity party or itty bitty rage fest (not really rage as i am hardly the angry type, but i do know how to throw a good passionate rave), but i am beginning to channel my thoughts towards more positive endeavors.
And it's getting easier.
I am realizing more and more that I am not a true perfectionist. I love to take risks. I crave adventure and I don't require the approval of other people (Miss Sucky finds that last part a bit of a sticking point). I want to be good, no great, at whatever i do, but i don't mind making mistakes. I've gone from someone who was afraid to make mistakes to someone who embraces them. After all, you can't undo the past. No matter how much i long for that modified 1981 DeLorean DMC-12, I can't go back. I can't change or erase it and really, why would i want to? My past, littered with mistakes and some questionable decisions is a part of the woman I am today. Every thing that happens in our life is an opportunity to realize our potential. It's just so often we are too busy beating ourselves up or looking back with such regrets that we forget to acknowledge that we actually just might be a better person for the experience. And yes, even when the experience is down right, god-damn awful and hideous and seems that nothing good could possibly ever emerge from the ashes. Life happens. It's good, it's painful, it's fluid, it's ever changing and so are we. We just might not be aware of it- or aware if the experiences shape us for good or not so good.
Every moment is an opportunity- to learn about yourself, to change if necessary and to come to an acceptance of who others are. In life we can either be a ray of light or a thundercloud. A Tigger or Eyeore. We can influence other peoples attitudes and reactions. So I have been putting into practice the art of empathy. I work in a call center, and to be honest, it's a pretty thankless job. There is a lot of pressure and the calls are never ending. Call centers are the last frontier for bullies, so most days you'll get at least one caller who is obnoxious, rude and just grates you up the wrong way so much that you wish you could reach down the phone line and strangle them with their own cord. They can be abusive, aggressive and on the attack. Now I am a sweet pea. But I don't tolerate that kind of behavior. Firstly, I don't get paid enough to be verbally assaulted and secondly, I would never speak to another person in the manner that some people let rip. So I am usually very firm in my handling of such customers. But I also choose not to take it personally. They are not mad at me- I am just in the firing line. I don't know what else is going on in their lives, but I am certain that the reason for their call is just one in a long line of other stresses.
Often when you take yourself out of the equation, you can actually turn the situation into a positive experience. I was telling one of the most important and vital people in my life about a particularly hard day I had recently had and he said to me "Do you think your customers were giving you love or needing some?" And i instantly understood what he meant. The customers were certainly not giving any love to me but I could choose to "give love" to them. It's a motto that applies to any human being we encounter and in any situation . Sometimes people just need a little extra love heading their way. So, as a result, I have been extra sunshiny, I have been giving the 'love' that i would like to get, the love I freely give to my friends and family and co workers and applying that to my calls. I kind of authentically did it anyway, but now, I am consciously striving to give that love even in the most trying of circumstances.
It's a daily workout, but it's already becoming a habit. Within my own self, my energy levels have improved, my sense of self and worth and joy has shattered the Richter scale. And my attitude is much better: Not so many homicidal thoughts building up :P
I have learnt that while I can't control people's behavior, I can certainly control my own. And just maybe, affect change for the better in another person's life. Cause life isn't about what you have, or don't. It's not about where you work or how fit you are or how many people you date. It's about the connections you make and the opportunities you take to be a better you and help create a better world. Cause we are all in this together folks.
Wow, I feel very identified with this post. I think life has codes that fits everybody. Thanks for writing it down, your words some times makes everything more easy, acceptable and joyful, even if sometimes it's not that way.
ReplyDeleteNow I know you are still working in the call center. I think that job fits you perfectly since you are so kind and patient. It might be very very difficult to deal with that kind of people, the kind that is always mad, even if it's not pranking you, is still bothering you with their negative and bad mood. Its a great challenge to stay happy and give love to that kind of people. I admire you for doing so!
Now I'll try to find what kind of aspect can I improve in my work, to make a better world :), at least for me.
Thank U :)