I AM.....

I AM AWESOME! I AM SPECTACULAR! I AM WONDERFUL! I AM WORTHY! I AM 'fill in the blank here ______!'I AM working hard to believe all of the above!! Every day I force myself to stand in front of my mirror and share what I like about me. I'm not gonna lie, some days are really awkward. I stand there, my reflection looking back at me with this doleful expression, as I recite some affirmations and gush over the few physical attributes I am willing to concede are pretty darn good. I look forward to the day I actually begin to really, truly, deep down in the far reaches of my soul believe them.

Self hatred is a hideous disease. It's the cancer of the mind and soul and will destroy you unless you destroy it first. Miss Sucky tends to focus on all her worst attributes and left to her own devices would quite happily throw regular pity parties. (Miss Sucky is a bit of a drama queen!) Miss Awesome recognizes her self-loathing for what it truly is; a bunch of lies. For example, Miss Awesome might have the phrase "you look like a big fat elephotomas" (that's a cross between an elephant and a hippopotamus, by the way, a very rare breed indeed!) pop into her head and she's quick to grab it by the scruff of its neck and throw it off the nearest tallest building. Miss Sucky, sadly, would fall for it for some time, ushering it in as though it was king and she a mere slave (until Miss Awesome swoops in and puts things right!) Miss Awesome stands up for herself and loves who she is, right where she is at. In fact, Miss Awesome can rattle off ten great things about herself before you can say "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."

So the self-hatred has to go. It's completely useless, toxic and quite frankly, a bit of a party pooper! There is no place for it in my life (or yours for that matter!) So, I'm digging it out by the root, lighting it on fire and roasting some marshmallows in the glowing embers of my discontent. In the Year of the Sally, there is no room for self hatred. This is a year where I extend an olive branch to myself and say "I accept you girl." I'm working on a fairly new concept for me. The idea of self love. And no- I am not being lewd! *_* I am finally learning to embrace who I am and right where I am at. I may not be exactly where I want to be, but at least I know where I want to be going. Many of my dreams may as yet be unrealized but at least I dare to dream.

The art of self love is learning to appreciate who you are in every moment. It's acknowledging your hopes, your dreams, your fears and insecurities. It's recognizing what moves you to tears and motivates you into action. It's understanding that loss can make you stronger, that pain can be a blessing and that peace can soothe a savage mind encumbered with a million thoughts. Self love is about annihilating old habits and previous thought patterns. It's realizing that even when you FEEL like Miss Sucky, you are STILL Miss Awesome.

It's not easy to cast aside such a heavy cloak of self-loathing, but I refuse to remain shackled to fear; to thoughts that bind and break; to all the lies. I endeavor to live an honest life, but how can I do so when I lie to myself? I so often negate the Awesomeness within, choosing instead to play the tragic victim of my own choices (and maybe sometimes fate at play.)Well NO MORE! It's time to stop listening to the lies and start believing in the truth about me. No more bowing down to falsehoods or sitting at the feet of mendacity. No more looking in mirrors and seeing a distorted image of myself or paying heed to lying tongues of my own making. Nope.No way. I've had my fill. While self hatred is a hideous disease, it's not a terminal case. So, say it with me people: I AM REMARKABLE! I AM PHENOMENAL! I AM DIVINE! I AM FANTASTIC ! I AM 'fill in the blank here ______!'