One of THOSE days

Miss Sucky is struggling a bit today. “He” keeps popping into her head and won’t go away. Miss Sucky is resisting the urge to make contact. She resists because she knows he won’t respond and it will just send her heart into a downward spiral. Her friends of course, are going to be unhappy with this news. They think that she should be well over it by now. But it’s only been a month since her world imploded, and while most days are Miss Awesome days, some days are like a scabby wound that gets torn off and starts bleeding again. So today is one of those days, and this is one of those moments where strength of character and her own self worth battle it out against the fabrications that form in her mind telling her that things can still work out. Miss Awesome recognizes that there will still be days and moments like this to come, but that they will become less frequent and less insistent. She doesn’t beat herself up over these feelings like Miss Sucky does. Miss Sucky worries about what others think whereas Miss Awesome doesn’t care that her friends and family might not get why she’s not completely over it yet. The truth is the reason for Miss Sucky’s struggle is more to do with the guilt feelings she has for missing him. It might not mean much to anyone else, but she loved him and her love doesn’t just vanish into thin air despite the betrayal, the agony and disillusionment she feels. So Miss Sucky is having herself a moment of self-pity and loathing and it’s up to Miss Awesome to snap her out of it. And by 'snap her out of it' I mean realize that it's actually ok to have these moments, but not to sit in them for too long. Wallowing changes nothing.

Some days it’s difficult to look at things with logical lenses when your life feels distorted. It’s even more challenging when you can’t allow yourself to be honest about how you feel and where you are at. Truthfully, most days he is no longer my first thought. Some days he barely enters my mind at all. But then there are moments where suddenly, there he is, in all his glory. Creeping into my thoughts and making mischief with my emotions. And it’s ok. It’s ok for me to feel the loss. I’m not one of these people who can pack it down or shove it away into the back of my mind. And I don’t want to be. What makes me Miss Awesome is that I am true to myself and my feelings. As Miss Awesome I don't let myself be tormented by guilt or others expectations of how I should behave in the aftermath of my broken heart and scattered dreams. You don't like it, deal with it! This is me and while I'm always open to change, I'm through denying who I am or making excuses for it. I'm a sensitive gal, and being open to others and blatant with my emotions does not make me weak. It makes me daring. So many people try to bottle up their thoughts and feelings, pin them down or drown them in a sea of self-denial. It would be safer to go through life like that I guess. But I don't think it would make it easier.

Miss Sucky can go ahead and have her sucky moments...that's her right as a person. She can struggle and feel sad and blue over him today. But Miss Awesome is going to stand there right alongside her and make sure it doesn't get too out of hand. Miss Awesome will be there to remind her that she doesn't need anyone who doesn't love her back. Hopefully Miss Sucky will listen. And believe. And put down the phone...now.